I'm currently on a plane headed to Boston from Seattle, where I spent the past 4 days at the National Dance Education Organization (NDEO) 2024 Conference. This was my first time attending the conference and first time presenting my research. My session was titled Embodied Pedagogy: American History as Jazz Dance (a project I had worked on as an assignment for my graduate program last year and decided to submit as a proposal). I put a halt on my preparations for the session in the middle of last week, when I realized that I was obsessing over it and not doing myself any favors by doing so. In proper fashion, I felt the need to learn more things in order to present something credible to this group of dance educators. I felt a little like a fraud; like I didn't know enough and that my lack of experience would ultimately make me frazzled and incoherent. Or that the research I had already done on the topic must be common knowledge, and I would therefore not be sharing anything valuable. These thoughts kept going around in my mind as I labored over a slide deck that was way too packed for a 60-minute session. But every time I went back to the slides, there was more clarifying information I needed to put in and more landmarks I needed to set up for myself (to ensure I stayed on track). I had decided that I needed to make visual aides compose a playlist (to accompany a full class), and write a script; THEN gather my friends for a practice run before I left. By Wednesday, I realized that my own self-imposed deadlines were boarderline inhumane and shut the book on them. I didn't open the presentation again until the afternoon before I was set to present, which was much better.
I had already given myself all the information I needed in putting together the slides. I also had to remind myself that this is something I KNOW. This is essentially just my class. I could run this thing in my sleep! Just tell them what you know. So I prepared just by talking myself through the sequence of the presentation, having some good self-conversations about the topics I'd cover and how I would talk to other educators about them. It became less about proving myself and more about sharing what I have discovered thus far in my own study of Jazz dance in America, how I have experimented with those discoveries in my curriculum, and some helpful resources to help get others started on their own Jazz journey if interested.
I was happy to present on the last day, after having participated in many other presentations that shared a similar focus on embodiment (which I've sadly learned is becoming a buzz word in the field, but describes my practice so accurately. I'm now in search of another word that isn't so... popular) or Jazz dance.
I presented on October 1, my grandmother's birthday. That morning, I went to an early paper presentation on one woman's generational research of herself, her mother, and her maternal grandmother (fitting). After that, I had an hour to spare, so I headed to the room I would present in to get a lay of the land and get hooked up to the tech. To my surprise, there was no projector set up in the room. I frantically searched my email for some record of my requesting one, but unfortunately only found a looong email, sent deep in the summer, outlining the process for actually securing the projector.... Of course, that email had gone unread. I hurried to the staff desk to see if I might be able to find an extra somewhere. The staff member basically said, "don't get your hopes up, girl," in the nicest way possible, but assured me she would find me if anyting became available. I wanted to cry. I actually almost did cry. I actually was actively fighting back tears there in the center hallway outside the Grand Ballroom that had been divided up into about 16 separate spaces. After all that time, effort, and intention I had put into those damn slides! The ONLY part of the initial slides/playlist/script trio I had prioritized in the end...
As people were buzzing about, I decided it would be best to take a walk, clear my mind, and come up with a new plan, which I did. I came back with time to spare; nervous, but ready. As I re-entered the room, there was already a participant there. Time's up, you're on! With about 10 or 15 minutes left, the staff member I had talked to walked into the room with a black bag slung over one shoulder. A PROJECTOR!!!! Hooray!!! And also, I just centered my mind on a new plan -_-.
Slight panic, but mostly grateful. No time to think about either... it's show time!
As people began to pour in, the faces I saw were calming and comforting. Many of the people who had been in some of the other Jazz and embodiment sessions over the past two days; my friend and department chair, Gretel; my friend Craig, whom I've known since 9th grade, and my new friend Michael (a colleague of Craig's at Joffrey Ballet); another new friend Miranda (the new director of the first professional company I danced for after undergrad). I saw a woman who worked on the documentary, Uprooted: The Journey of Jazz Dance (which changed my entire perspective on Jazz dance and started me on this journey), along with HER jazz teacher (whose session I had been in the day before); and Patricia Cohen, another Jazz dance educational icon, and recipient of the Lifetime Achievement Award just the night before.
No time to be nervous... time to start.
It was helpful to start with a bit of movement around the room: a warm-up/grounding practice I use almost daily with my own students. It was also helpful to start with no music. I didn't feel rushed or in competition with sound or time. I felt calm as we settled into stillness, checking in with our breath and our heartbeats. I grounded our experience in the basics of storytelling (a concept I wish I had gone back to more frequently and intentionally in the presentation, but that's just a note for next time). I called Miss Dunham into the practice through the Philosophies that grounded our experience (another concept I wish I had built into the experience more). From there, it was smooth sailing. We laughed, we played, we hydrated!!! I was able to share the resources that have been helpful to me, and people were engaged. It felt really connected and smooth.
Then, the fire alarm went off, and that was the end, lol. (So bizarre! I have never had a fire alarm go off while I was in a hotel before).
Nonetheless, I got through most of the presentation; all the way to the last segment. People found me throughout the rest of the day to offer compliments, thanks, affirmations, and more. It couldn't have gone better.
I believe Grandma Macie, Miss Dunham, and Oshun (whom we had honored in a session I participated in the day before) all had a direct hand in my success yesterday.
I am truly grateful.
Now, as we descend on Boston (and I hurriedly try to finish this post before they come around and tell me to put my laptop up), I'm just reflecting on the journey. I'm feeling energized as I bust back into the middle of the work week (which has been going full steam in my absence). I'm feeling good. I'm feeling grateful.
I'm also hoping that all of my dance educator friends in DETROIT are making plans to attend and present at the conference next year. Hope to see you there!
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